Better as a Memory
by Riverspirit86
Summary: Lavi is leaving the Black Order and his one, true love, Kanda. Song fic to Better as a Memory by Kenny Chesney.


This is a song fic. The song is Better as a Memory by Kenny Chesney.  
Warning: Slight yaoi (boy x boy kissing) if you look. Don't like, then Don't read.  
Please review?  
Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray Man nor am I Kenny Chesney.

* * *

Kanda looked at Lavi with tears in his eyes. He never showed this much emotion to anyone except for the red-headed bookman. And normally, that emotion was happiness and love, not sadness and hurt.

"W-what do you mean Lavi?" Kanda asked the read-haired boy standing in his doorway.

Lavi replied simply, his face blank, showing no emotion. "I already told you. I'm leaving."

_I move on like a sinner's prayer,__  
I let 'em go like a levee breaks.  
__Walk away as if I don't care,  
Learn to shoulder my mistakes.  
_

"But you said you would be with me forever, Lavi!" Kanda took a few steps toward him, a pleading look on his face.

Lavi flinched slightly, though his face remained blank and still didn't show any emotion. "I guess I lied, then." he said simply.

_I'm built to fade like your favorite song,__  
Get reckless when there's no need.  
__Laugh as your stories ramble on,  
Break my heart but it won't bleed.  
_

"But you can't leave me!" Kanda pleaded.

_My only friends are pirates,  
It's just who I am.  
But I'm better as a memory,  
Than as your man.  
_

"You should just forget about me, Kanda." Lavi's lone, green eye hardened until it appeared an emerald.

"How could I!? I love you Lavi! Please don't leave me!" Kanda took another step closer to Lavi.

_I'm never sure when the truth won't do,  
I'm pretty good on a lonely night.  
I move on the way a storm blows through,  
I never stay, but then again, I might.  
_

"But I can't love you, Kanda." Lavi slowly backed away from him.

"W-why!?" Kanda asked, even though he already knew the answer.

_I struggle sometimes to find the words,  
Always sure until I doubt.  
Walk a line until it blurs,  
Build walls too high to climb out._

"I'm a bookman. You should know by now that we can't love anyone." Lavi stated coldly.

"But what about all those time you said you loved me, Lavi!?" Kanda was grasping at anything that would make Lavi stay with him, if only for a little while.

_But I'm honest to a fault,  
It's just who I am.__  
But I'm better as a memory,  
Than as your man._

"I lied," Lavi said simply.

Kanda gasped, shocked. "L-Lavi? W-why?" He staggered slightly.

_I see you leaning,  
__You're bound to fall.  
I don't want to be that mistake._

"Kanda..." Lavi said softly. A tear rolled slowly down his face; the first sign of emotion Kanda saw from him in their painful goodbye.

_I'm just a dreamer,  
Nothing more.  
You should know it before it gets too late._

Kanda looked coldly at Lavi. "I guess this is goodbye, Lavi. Unless you're staying to watch my heart crumble to dust because you broke it!"

Lavi flinched and bit his lip to hold back a sob. "I'm sorry Kanda." He turned to walk away.

_'Cause goodbyes are like a roulette wheel,  
You never know where they're gonna land.  
First you're spinning, then you're standing still,  
Left holding a losing hand._

Kanda reeled from the shock of the goodbye, so he pressed his hand against the wall to try to remain standing. But he crumpled to the floor and started sobbing quietly.

Lavi stopped, turned around, and, seeing Kanda going to pieces, rushed to him and pulled him into a gentle hug.

Kanda looked up at Lavi, his tears falling faster now. He asked a single word, a single question. "Why?"

Lavi just shook his head, smiling sadly, as his tears started falling freely.

_But one day you're gonna find someone,  
Right away, you'll know it's true.  
That all of you're seeking is done,  
It was just a part of the passing through._

"Please don't be sad because I'm leaving. You'll find someone better, I'm sure of it." Lavi reassured Kanda while gently stroking his long, black hair.

"But it was you I loved! I can't just forget about you!" Kanda sobbed into Lavi's shoulder while his hands clutched Lavi's shirt.

_Right there in that moment,__  
You'll finally understand.__  
That I was better as a memory,  
Than as your man._

Lavi gently pressed his lips to Kanda's forehead in a quick yet loving kiss. "Kanda...what I say now is true...I will love you forever..." Lavi said gently while he released Kanda and stood up.

Kanda reached his hand out to Lavi in a manner that said, _'Don't leave me here without you!'_ Kanda looked up at Lavi pleadingly, his tears falling again. "Please Lavi...don't go."

Lavi looked back on the raven-haired exorcist sitting, crying, on the floor. "Kanda...I love you, but I'm...better as a memory...than as your man..." Lavi said softly as he left the room for the last time.

Kanda looked up quickly, to see his one, true love leave him forever. And before Lavi was completely out of ear-shot, Kanda said quietly, yet in a voice that Lavi could hear, "I will love you forever Lavi...however long that will be..."

Kanda's tears fell freely now, running down his cheeks before falling into his outstretched hands. Lavi's last words echoed painfully in his head and in his heart.

_Better as a memory  
Than as your man._


End file.
